Paraprosdokians for thought

Thanks to my friend, Political Science Professor John Langton for sending me this list of paraprosdokians.

PARAPROSDOKIAN:  A figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation.  Some examples:

-- If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

-- We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

-- War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

-- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

-- Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

-- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

-- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

-- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

-- I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

-- Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

-- A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

-- I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

-- You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

-- Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

-- I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

-- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

-- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

-- The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

-- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

-- A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.

-- Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

-- I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

-- When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Which one is your favorite?  I must say, the tomato one speaks to me!